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One didn’t feel pain in the grave. I let the thought wander away. I did not fear death, but had a healthy respect for dying. Knowing my luck, I would wake up in the hospital missing my arms and legs. I purposely drove into the night. I wanted to put many miles between Phoenix and me. It didn’t eliminate the pain, but at least it felt like I was accomplishing something. I tried in vain to think of my art. Something that was so simple for me before, became a burden. I had to force the colors and they never felt right. Anger and disappointment were overshadowing my thoughts and my art was suffering. I didn’t like myself anymore. I was home for five days and hadn’t even entered the workshop. The river flowed without me. It held memories of lunches that would never be repeated. I ate, I walked and I brooded. I tried to use music to change my mood. It was all dull and lifeless. I was dull and lifeless. Everything I had I invested in Amber. She took it all with her. ‘Long time, Mark,’. I’d beenthinking that having a dog might be a good idea. Kindalike that Will Smith movie. I move to the fence where Iheard the dog’s bark. I can still hear a low whine. Istep behind a bush and up on a small cinder block topeak over. Now I’ve seen it all. An overweight chick ina sundress was down on all fours going down on a lightbrown collie that was lying, one leg up, next to itsdog house. “Oh, please…aahh…Rexy… I need your juice… I’llgive you a big bone… mmm… mmmm… mmm… givemommy… aaah… what she needs again… mmmm…mmmm… mmmmm.” I looked at the dog, its tongue hangingout, tail slowly thumping, her head bobbing, andthought that I’d probably had the same look ofresignation on my face an hour ago. I’m not into dogs or fat chicks but this first of akind combination kinda did a little something for me.Stepping off the block I thought for a moment, do Ihave any.
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